The Aftermath: Fresh Costume, Fresh Band, Fresh Vibes, Fresh ANTICIPATION!

Seems like I am not the only one having to shift gears to regain the TNT Carnival spirit: Saucy of TrinidadCarnivalDiary is also feeling some "Carnival blues"..and so are quite a few of her commenters!

As I posted there:

The death...no, bloody murder! *angry*...of one of my friends who was to play mas with me and the ensuing scattering of the group killed my vibes...but it is being reborn by reinventing this carnival experience...

Too many bad vibes associated with YUMA now for me...and it's not YUMA's fault they been great and the masqueraders have VIBES! But it's not the same anymore and everytime I see my costume now i remember who picked it for me, and how i only had to get help picking one cause the rest of a now non-existent group got in their sections, and my wearable choices were all sold out. 

Fresh vibes needed to shake the death and drama memories that surround the whole YUMA experience (not YUMA's fault at all, they been keeping up vibes on their end and and so have the YUMAs)...plus, in case it for real turns out to be just me from the group playing mas, i need to be in a costume that is a first choice and makes me smile, not feel sad, every time i look at it! Fresh vibes, fresh costume, fresh band...just starting fresh. Same airline ticket though lol.

So Saucy seems like is not just you eeh...although I do like the ease of not HAVING to run into mas camp...cause i am overseas lol. And if i am not mistaken the new band for sure will cross the stage? Plus they treated me very nicely and personably from the first time i intended to go Trinidad and play with them for 2k10...felt like family and they didn't even know me. So i already have confidence in their customer service... they even remembered me this carnival season, I just had already registered...

I could just see me in my old costume Carnival Tuesday getting a flashback of a dark and handsome face with an easy, warm smile that will never get to see how his choice of costume worked out for me on the road...and having a bad moment.  Seeing his section, YUMA's Leo, on the road, WITHOUT him...and have another bad moment (thinking "one of those guys SHOULD have been Aquil if those FASSIES hadn't killed him.")  Worst case end up the only one who makes it to TNT (because we've gone from 6 total to 1 definite--me--and 1 serious maybe), and be stuck in a costume I only wore to fit in the same band the group was in...and have a REAL BAD MOMENT that last the whole day!  No bredrin that's not carnival, all that negative energy is not MAS at all!

Another aspect of us Scorpios (my sign, and my first choice YUMA costume, tied with Aquarius), is the phoenix...we can rise strong and vibrant again from our own ashes.  And so, I rise...and God willing will honour my friend's memory and celebrate the break I needed and the life he lived the way we planned to do it in TNT, the way I know he would have done it: smooth and stress-free, with plenty positive vibes, smiles, and wines!

So I welcome myself to a new band and section: D'Krewe, 2011 Theme: Rhythms, Section: TEMPO!

I never got up the courage to Google my friend's name and see the news reports...

Forced myself NOT to shed any more tears as I read...and read...and read... because a friend told me just a few hours ago that he was shot something like TWENTY-SIX times and I nearly dropped the phone, that is just not believable!  I realized I never asked the cousin of Aquil's that first delivered the news to tell me again exactly what happened, because the shock at the time I heard still has my brain remembering only random words and the part where he and [somebody] got shot...he didn't make it...I can't tell you all now not even ONE complete sentence he said to me on the phone that Saturday morning.

But I realized I had purposely not asked til Friday because my brain just didn't want to process more of it...his cousin tried to tell me again the detail as he was on his way back from the funeral to the States...and my brain is still remembering it in snapshot format...I remember he said he saw one of the assailants while in the VI...I am sorry I should be more Christian about it but I wish nothing but the worst and most painful things on that DUMB little boy and WHOEVER helped him!  I'll fix my attitude later!

When I hear it I just lose my breath and stop processing all the way...reading though, I can't get away from it so easily then.  So I Googled my friend and his location and lo and behold, the whole awful story (and some slight misprints, like where he got his engineering degree from, since we were friends from college and I never went to school at UF! lol)...all came to light.

And as I read the news it was over a CUP that just happened to hit the vehicle carrying the waste of life that took his life?!

He made it out of military war zones in one piece with his shirt on his back...and went back home to little St. Thomas, USVI, and couldn't make it out of there alive.  I am MAD...and sad...this is crazy! smh!!!!

http://virginislandsdailynews.com/news/police-seek-second-gunman-in-fatal-shooting-outside-jaguar-s-1.1069226

http://virginislandsdailynews.com/news/funeral-schedule-1.1071027

http://stthomassource.com/content/news/police/2010/11/21/murder-suspect-arrested-hours-after-shooting

The irony of Aquil being born December 1 and buried December 1 is not lost on me.

R.I.P. Aquil i'm trying to run away from your death far and fast cause it seems so UNREASONABLE...but is time I really explore how scary it is, because if this is all it takes to lose a life, it could be any of us!  When my best friend in high school got killed by her jealous Colombian ex-boyfriend, it was unbelievable, but I was away in college and had not spoken to her in a while so while she also died a horrible death that made Tampa Bay news (shot in the face at point blank range)...it did not KEEP feeling like this big wide black hole just opened up and swallowed the space where you should be, which is how it feels with you because I JUST TALKED TO YOU...by phone, by text...my high school best friend was sort of left in the past with my high school days...but you...we had PLANS for the future, our paths were finally to cross again in March.  It's like watching as we both head towards an intersection where our paths will cross again...and as we get closer, the intersecting road suddenly disappears and now there is a precipice dropping sharply into a dark and suspicious unknown.

You are Sunni Muslim...I wonder what the Quran says the punishment is for coldblooded murderers?

I wonder what the courts will say?

R.I.P. -- remembering through my friend's favourite song: music unites us!

My recently deceased friend's favourite song...he was from the US Virgin Islands and I am from Jamaica, but it never ceases to amaze me how dancehall, reggae, and other music unites people across national, cultural, racial, socio-economic, and even religious barriers...



Playing it in memoriam...

R.I.P. Bad news this morning my friend & fellow masquerader died last night...

He was shot and killed in the Virgin Islands last night.

And I was in shock...didn't feel real...

Til I wrote on his wall and realized even if I reach 100 years old he is NEVER going to answer.

Then the tears came.

He was one of the friends that was going to play mas with YUMA in TNT with me. It reminded me of the song that says something like enjoy yourself in the mas cause you never know, it could be your last.

The main point of tnt/playing mas aside from a break from U.S. life was a way to reunite with old friends...and now he won't be there.

He is one of THE calmest most relaxed people I know I can't even understand who would do that to him, or why...

*wipes tears* I didn't think I would cry. Haven't seen him in years. Something about writing on the fb wall made reality strike.

The news (once I realized it was REAL and not some sick joke), made me think of Rupee's song... "enjoy yourself in the mas, cause you never know...it could be your last"...